Holly talks with Grandfriends

• Join Holly as she searches east Auckland for love and connection.

In which Holly chats with Jo Hayes, founder of Grandfriends.

Our first lessons in love come from those who raise us. I’m lucky to have been close to my grandparents, in both emotion and proximity. Not every child is so fortunate.

That’s why I admire the work of Grandfriends – a small but mighty charity that combats big issues like isolation and loneliness, matching families with local seniors they’d like to spend time with.

Holly: Jo, it’s been almost a decade since you created the Surrogate Grandparents Trust (now Grandfriends). What’s been the biggest surprise along the way?

Jo: Just how many families were in the same position that I was in before I started GrandFriends – feeling isolated and without support or anyone to really just lean on in times of need. I was amazed at the outpouring of support right from the start.

Holly: Is it common for elders to experience sadness over never becoming a grandparent, or the inability to be an active grandparent because of distance?

Jo: The world is most definitely changing. More people can travel and live where they choose, which causes these long-distance families. I’m one of them! I think older people can definitely feel that sense of grief, especially when they see many of their friends being with grandchildren. Although we do have technology to enable us to stay in touch with distant family, nothing quite beats the hug of a child or grandchild. GrandFriends is the perfect solution – those older people get the connection they wish for, and they can help a family that needs support at the same time. It truly is a win-win situation.

Holly: There’s plenty of evidence that grandparent involvement is socially beneficial for children. What are some of the outcomes you’ve seen in the kids?

Jo: I think that it’s great for kids to have a wider network of family (whether blood or not) around them. I think it always gives them a better grounding, the ability to interact with different trusted people, and the ability to see life from an elder’s perspective. There are skills to be learnt from both sides. Grandparents pass on their knowledge from their younger days with those skills that if we are not careful, we might lose. And kids can keep the older generation up with the rise in technology and how to do more things in this modern world. That shows children that they can help other people too.

Holly: Is there an urge to share something with the next generation? Do you often see interests, skills or hobbies being passed down between participants?

Jo: I think life is just one giant learning journey. I’m so grateful for all the skills and knowledge that our grandparents can pass down to our young people. There have been so many shared. These skills are so valuable in these times when everyone is feeling the pinch of the struggling economy. Have an item of clothing that has a hole but can’t afford a new one right now? Get that sewing machine out and fix it!

Kids begging for you to buy that favourite sweet treat in the supermarket, but the budget doesn’t quite stretch? Get your bake on and make something at home instead. Bike has got a puncture? You guessed it – fix it yourself! Those practical skills may not have necessarily been passed down to us by our parents, or maybe, at the time, we weren’t interested in learning them. But I tell you, as a woman in my 50s, I’m going back to those basics right now, and re-learning how to make bread and making my own butter. My sewing machine also has a mission, now I just need to find the time to get back to it. Having a relationship with a grandparent gives kids the chance to learn these skills early on, and maybe the parents can learn a new skill too.

Holly: The organisation turns 10 next year. What are your hopes for the future of Grandfriends?

Jo: Good grief, that has gone so fast! It seems like yesterday I was sitting in my lounge receiving masses of emails from people all over the country wanting to join after that initial appearance on Breakfast TV. The charity was and will always be about helping people, and providing support, love, companionship and education to people. I hope that it continues that way, and we get to help many more people who need us.

To get involved, or support Grandfriends with a donation, visit www.grandfriends.nz.

Email holly@times.co.nz

Yours in love,

Holly