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- Join Holly as she searches east Auckland for love and connection.
In which Holly deck the halls…
Crackers… check. Pavlova… check. Condoms… check.
Three separate friends have spoken to me recently about a single issue – the skin hunger that accompanies the onset of the festive season.
For some time, biologists in the Northern Hemisphere recognised that in countries where Christmas is celebrated, the birth rate in September is high compared to other months.
Some hypothesised that the inspiration could be environmental. Christmas occurred during winter – perhaps people were just trying to stay cosy.
This theory gets shot in the leg because the September birth rate is also high in Southern Hemisphere countries, where Christmas is celebrated during summer.
In Auckland, average temperatures in December are comfortably balmy. The most common birthday in New Zealand is September 29.
Even for those who aren’t procreating, it seems Christmas can inspire concupiscence.
Each December, sex-related Google searches rise. Why?
Chocolate is often thought to be an aphrodisiac… are those little Lindt baubles undermining our self-control?
Or is it the twinkling lights, perhaps, putting us in the mood for romance?
Memories could play a part. Those who have fond Christmas memories may carry loving feelings close to the surface during the festive season.
Meanwhile, those who have experienced holidays that were difficult, traumatic or lonely might seek to self-medicate using sex.
We can be swayed by the pictures that advertising and media paint of how Christmas is “supposed” to be – carols and mistletoe… how romantic!
In reality, the holiday experience is different for everyone. It’s rarely as prescriptively lovely as the movies on Netflix would have us believe.
It’s perfectly natural, at any time of year, to crave connection. If those cravings intensify over the holidays, remember:
1 – Safety first
Be mindful of increased alcohol consumption, which can lower inhibitions and impair judgment.
If you’re on your own, you can take comfort in knowing that solo intimacy is among the safest kind you can have.
Why not treat yourself to the kind of toy that Santa won’t bring you, relax and have fun?
If, on the other hand, you’re hooking up, practise safer sex – wrap that gift, gentlemen!
Remember also to keep up thorough hand-washing and other infection avoidance measures.
There are only a few very minor studies supporting the idea that Covid might contribute to erectile dysfunction… but do you really want to take the chance?
2 – Balance physical intimacy with other forms of connection
Earmark extra time to spend strengthening your connection with yourself, your family, friends, lovers, pets or nature.
Sometimes, rigid traditions and obligations make Christmas Day itself a difficult time to simply relax (together or alone), so the gap between Christmas and New Year can be a better option.
You might also like to spend some time brainstorming ways to become more connected in our local community, taking a class or offering your skills to a local organisation.
Volunteering makes a worthy New Year’s resolution and is a great way to meet new people.
3 – Feeling this way is okay
It’s normal to experience a range of emotions during the holidays – joy, stress, loneliness, excitement, sadness, hope, grief, and yes, arousal.
The trick is to find a way to manage emotions that feels healthy to you and is respectful to others.
A quick personal note from me, Reader, to end 2024: What a pleasure it has been to be a Times columnist this year!
I’m grateful for the opportunity to share my little adventures in love and connection, and to be a small part of your week as you go about your own.
I wish you a safe and very merry holiday season.
Email holly@times.co.nz
Yours in love,
Holly
